Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
