i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
