Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
