he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize