you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
