How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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