I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
