Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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