I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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