hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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