he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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