Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
