I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
