"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
