Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
