I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
