You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
