P.S. I can't hear my feet
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
