# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
