My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
PANTIES FOUND
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