I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
