Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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