now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
