the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wear drunk well.
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