me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
