i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
