I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
