Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
