Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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