the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
