and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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