All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
