my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
