I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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