I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
whose parrot is this?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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