Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
