booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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