I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
