So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The best revenge is premature balding
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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