so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
