3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
