i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
