Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
