She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
