So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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