I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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