I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
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