i already hear my dad disowning me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize