You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
