Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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