u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
