I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
