Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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