If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
