It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
