are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
