You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sext me about skeletons
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
