Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
