do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
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Do I have a choice?
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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