She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
