think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
