you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize