He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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