a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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