I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
